


together we defy it

by howlingheartdemigod (helpmeimstuckon)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mercer Style Resurrection Ceremony, Resurrection, Temporary Character Death, in a big way, mild depictions of violence, putting my limited knowledge of german to use, the duolingo owl is going to murder me in my sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 13:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19296556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/howlingheartdemigod
Summary: By the time it was all over, by the time Yasha reached Beauregard too many minutes had passed, Beau’s heart had stopped beating, she was going cold in Yasha’s arms.-Beauregard dies. Her family try to bring her back.





	together we defy it

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on tumblr  
> find me there at howlingheartdemigod

Beau’s skull hit stone with a sickening crack, the sound louder than anything else in the room. Louder than the roaring wall of fire, louder than Jester’s spiritual weapon slamming a creature across the room, louder than whatever that loud pained noise was. It wasn’t until Yasha was sprinting across the room, through the fire, attacks glancing off of her from the few creatures still standing, that she realized it had been her own cry. But she couldn’t get to her, she couldn’t get to Beau. There was a troll in the way, there was a hag looming over Beau’s fallen form, there was too much, there were too may obstacles. She was too far away. Way too far away.

By the time it was all over, by the time Yasha reached Beauregard too many minutes had passed, Beau’s heart had stopped beating, she was going cold in Yasha’s arms. 

The Nein moved slowly, coming to form a loose circle around them. Yasha clung to Beau’s body like a lifeline, not able to look at them, not able to pull her eyes away from Beau’s still face, knees in a pool of blood that she’d pulled her from.

“I was too late.” Yasha said, voice low and broken. She’d tried, as soon as she’d reached Beau, she’d tried pouring healing energy into her, she’d tried to wake her up, to save her. But it hadn’t worked. None of it had worked. “I couldn’t fix her.”

The soft sob that escaped Jester’s lips as she crumbled to her knees nearly send Yasha into hysterics. She’d failed them. All she was good for was protecting them, and she had failed. 

“Jester, can’t you do what you did before?” Caleb’s voice was strained with pain and panic. “You saved Caduceus, do that again.” 

“It’s been too long.” Nott’s voice drew Yasha’s gaze. Her small form was crumpled by Beau’s feet. Their gazes caught, and Nott pressed her lips into a hard line, yellow eyes pooling with tears. She reached out a hand to Yasha’s arm, where she cradled Beau. Yasha had to fight the instinct to pull away, to protect what was left of Beauregard. Nott would never hurt her, she knew that, but something in her wanted to keep everyone far away. Wanted to shield her away, like she'd failed to for Molly, like she'd failed to for Zuala. 

“There’s nothing else we can do?” Fjord sounded exhausted, like he shouldn’t be standing, but remained upright through the force of stubbornness, brow furrowed, a hand pressed to a gash on his side. 

“I have one thing we could try.” Caduceus’ voice rumbled out, warm and thoughtful. “I’ve never done it on my own before, well… I don’t think I could before, but I could try.”

There was a pause, a moment where everyone stared at Caduceus, before Nott broke the silence. “Do it, then!” 

That shattered the still sadness in the air. There was a chance. Caduceus had an idea, he had a plan. He might be able to help. Yasha stared down at Beau as Jester and Caduceus began moving quickly to find components, set up sigils, cast the spell. Eventually, Jester came over, speaking softly, voice still hitched with tears. “We need to move her into the circle, Yasha.”

Yasha stayed silent, just nodding, gathering Beau up carefully, moving her to where Caduceus had prepared the spell. She settled Beau down, careful to keep from letting her head hit the ground too hard. She looked to Caduceus, who’s brow was furrowed in concentration. 

“We have to offer something up.” He explained, looking to each of them. “Any three of us, but no more than. Have to offer words, or an object, or both.” He seemed to be glowing, though, maybe Yasha was imagining that. Maybe he was just all too bright against the deep caves they were in. Maybe he was just too bright for the world. “We’re trying to bring the spirit back to the body. Convince Beauregard to come back.”

“Well, that’ll be easy.” Jester’s voice was small, trying for hopeful, but falling short. “Beau will want to come back.” 

The look she caught Fjord and Caleb share showed a little less faith. Yasha turned her gaze to Beau again, swallowing hard. She was so stubborn, maybe too stubborn to come back. 

“I’ll finish casting the spell, then we can begin.” Caduceus said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. The cold grey stone beneath Beau glowed with the sigils and markings Caduceus and Jester had set up, filling the space with a dim light. It was beautiful, pulling a gasp from Yasha’s lips. 

There was a moment of quiet, as they all looked at each other, the unspoken question hanging in the air; who wants to go first?

Any of them, she knew, would have something to say to Beau, something to try and plead with her on, to use to convince her. And not a single one of them knew how. None of them knew what to do.

Caleb shuffled forward before anyone else could break the silence, moving to sit next to Beau’s slack form. (It was so wrong, seeing her so still, so slumped. Beau was always moving, or tense with impatience.) Caleb looked around, then nodded, like a promise. He spoke softly, switching occasionally to his native language, taking Beau’s hand in his. “I am not good with words, Beauregard.” He started, voice raw with tears. “You have seen me at my very lowest. You have seen me broken and torn. You have seen me mean and angry.  Weak, and… and  _ wertlos _ . When I was nothing. And you picked me anyway. You chose... to be my friend anyway.” Yasha almost felt guilty, listening in. It almost felt like it should be private. She watched him squeeze her hand, something pressing from his palm to hers. “You’ve become my friend, my family, my sister. I need you to yell at me, and give me a shoulder to lean on. I need you back. So, please, come back.  _ Ich hab dich lieb, Schwester. _ ” Caleb’s hand slipped from hers, a stone left behind. He sat back, staring at her a moment, before he lifted his gaze, eyes catching Yasha’s. He gave a nod, Yasha returned it, before dropping her eyes to Beau’s pale face. 

She heard a bit of shuffling, some quiet deliberation, then watched a small hand reach out to catch Beau’s wrist. Nott spoke quietly, carefully choosing her words. Yasha’s heart filled a little at the sight. “I know I don’t say it. I’m very bad at saying it, actually. But you’re important to me, Beauregard.” Nott tied the jade bracelet, a gift Yasha had forgotten about. “You’ve shown me kindness and understanding. You helped me find my husband again. You keep us alive all the time.” Nott took a small breath. “You call yourself an asshole. This isn’t the time to be one.” Nott went quiet a moment, thinking. “We don’t steal from happy people. You make us happy. Leaving would be stealing that.” Yasha’s eyes flicked shut, head dropping. She heard Nott shuffle away, the telltale sound of a flask unscrewing ringing through the space, then silence. 

She opened her eyes to find every gaze trailed on her. Fjord looking away when Yasha looked to her, and Caduceus seemed lost in thought, staring at her without flinching. Jester’s lips parted, words failing. Yasha tracked her eyes falling to Beau, then back up to Yasha. “I can’t.” Jester said softly. 

Yasha pressed her lips, understanding Jester’s meaning. She couldn’t risk failing. 

It was the same risk making Yasha’s voice run as far as it could from her. She stared for a while at Beau, shuffling closer. She kneeled next to Beau, looking down at her slack face, eyes closed, lips parted. She took a careful breath, biting her lip. “Beauregard, I... I am sorry I didn't stay close enough to help. I'm sorry I didn't do enough. I'm sorry, because I saw you fall and couldn't get to you in time. But I need you to know... I see you.” she said, leaning to push Beau’s hair off her face, finding herself all too close. Finding her voice a whisper. “I see you. I don’t think you’re a disaster, or a mess, or whatever else. I don’t think you’re an asshole or a fuckwad. I think you’re amazing. I think you’re… I think you’re spectacular. I think that we need you. I think… I think I need you, because I’m falling for you.” Yasha paused, shocked. She hadn’t let herself give words to that. She hadn’t let herself face that. The guilt that came with it was nearly overwhelming. “And that scares me. That scares me a lot. But I’m a little braver when I’m with you.” Yasha pressed a kiss to Beau’s cheek. “You deserved to know before, but I hope now is enough. I still need you. Come back.”

Yasha went quiet, realizing her fingers had woven with Beau’s of their own accord. She swallowed, and lifted her eyes to Caduceus, hoping, praying, that it would be enough. 

The runes seemed to glow beneath her, the air warm with magic and tension. She looked back to Beau. Just as suddenly as they started, the runes faded, the air suddenly cooling. She looked to Caduceus, seeing his brow furrowed, his eyes on Beauregard. Something in Yasha broke, a small “No,” escaping her lips. She started to crumple, to curl into herself. She swallowed, eyes pooling with tears, throat closing with words left unsaid.

Then, softly, almost enough to convince her she’d imagined it, she felt Beau’s fingers tighten, gripping hers. She looked over to see breath pull into her lungs, she smiled in shock and joy just as Beau’s eyes fluttered open. Her breathing turned sharp, and she coughed herself upright, to Yasha’s delight. Beau looked around, a weak smile coming to her lips. “Fuck, that hurt.” 

Yasha felt the laughter that echoed through the room in her bones. She stared at Beau, in awe, before reaching forward, catching her jaw, and kissing her. 

She pulled away before Beau could react, the rest of the room going a little quiet. “Sorry.” she managed. “I just.. wanted to make sure I got to do that.”

Beau’s expression morphed from shocked, to something Yasha’d never seen on her face. A soft expression, one filled with something like love. “Anytime you want. Do me a favor, actually, don’t wait for me to come back from the dead to do it again.”

Yasha smiled. “That won’t be a problem at all.”

True to her word, Yasha ducked forward and kissed her again, ignoring Jesters hooting and hollering, and the soft chuckles from the rest of the Nein. They might as well not have been there, to Yasha Beau was the only thing in the world that mattered. Kissing her, and warm, and alive. 

**Author's Note:**

> title from an atticus poem  
> 'alone we live short rebellions of death,  
> together we defy it.'


End file.
